What if the Vrock had been summoned...

Based on dialogue that took place in Hall of Harsh Reflections on whether the statue Fern saw was or was not a vrock.

Original Conversation

(All gather around the statue in Zyrxog’s gallery Macabre. Tension rises as Talin carefully examines the web of arcane runes that power the strange transportive magic coursing through the image of the Vrock. All wait with hushed breath. Well, almost all...)

Thomas: I hope you are done disarming the trap.

Talin: Almost, if I just do this....

Thomas: Oh.... I was under the impression that it was already safe to gather up this beautiful loot.

Croi: You mean evil loot.

Thomas: Whatever.

Talin: Did you touch something?!

Thomas: Well....

Fern: I didn’t, I was waiting till the trap was disarmed.

Talin: Can’t you wait just five seconds before grabbing all these EVIL things.

Filge: They’re not all that bad.

Fern/Croi: Yes they are.

Talin: Urgh! Thomas!

(The statue breaks apart revealing a Vrock inside)

Vrock: What foolish mortals you are, to risk the wrath of Kershlore the Demon Lord!

Fern: We know you aren’t a demon, you don’t have to pretend.

Filge: (quietly and frustratedly) Yes he is.

Kersh: What do you mean I’m not a demon?

Thomas: Oooh! This one radiates strong transmutation!

Fern: You’re just some abomination created by that nasty illithid.

Kersh: You mean Z-dog? No, I am his poker buddy. I just promised to watch his stuff for him.

Talin: Illithids play poker?

Fern: No, you are an abomination of his, crafted from the living flesh of other beings, not his friend. Illithids don’t have friends.

Filge: Harsh.

Thomas: Sure they do, it's called Dominate Monster.

Talin: I’d hardly think those count as friends.

Croi: But I would still argue that they count as evil and should be destroyed.

Kersh: He didn’t dominate me to do this, it’s a favor I owe him for spotting me a few gold last weekend. And I am not an abomination, I am a proud Tanari.

Filge: Told you, Fern.

Fern: Oh, he’s lying. He is not a Vrock. Look at him, there is no way that a natural creature could look so abysmally disgusting and physically disfunctional.

Talin: Fern, dear, maybe we shouldn’t insult him. Let’s not worry if he is a Vrock or not.

Thomas: Figurine of Wonderous Power! Jackpot!

Kersh: Hey! You can’t take that!

Filge: He is a Vrock.

Fern: No, he isn’t.

Kersh: Yes, I am.

Croi: I honestly don’t care if you are or not. I still think you are an abomination against nature and should be destroyed.

Talin: Croi! Let’s not anger him right now. There might be a peaceful solution.

Fern: Prove it then.

Filge: We really don’t want that, Fern.

Talin: Fern, I think Filge is right.

Thomas: See, elves are all stupid.

Kersh: You’ve got to be kidding me. See the wings, and the beak, and the vicious claws?

Fern: And.... do you have a point?

Kersh: Look, I’ll gate in my pal, Chirraj.

Talin: That really isn’t neccessary!

Thomas: Oooh. More experience... oh wait, stupid summoned monsters not adding to CR

All: What are you talking about Thomas?

Thomas: Huh... oh... um... I don’t think killing two Vrock will increase our levels of training any more than just one.

Fern: Not a Vrock.

Kersh: What do you think you know about Vrock anyway?

Fern: I know that you aren’t one.

Kresh: That’s it! (Summons another Vrock)

Talin: Oh no.

Filge: I suddenly have an urge to go check on the Illithid’s office again, make sure we searched well enough.

Fern: All you have proven is that the Mind Flayer made two of you.

Chirraj: What’s going on Kershlore? And what is this mortal saying about us being made?

Kersh: She keeps telling me that I am not a Vrock, so I summoned you to prove that I am.

Talin: You see, this has all been a misunderstanding... heh... you really don’t need to waste your time here with us.

Kersh: Yes you do. Don’t listen to her. We have a reputation to defend.

Croi: What kind of reputation per se?

Fern: As fake Vrocks.

Kersh: We aren’t fake!

Chirraj: You summoned me for this? I’m out of here. (plane shifts home)

Thomas: Hey Talin, this extremely necromantic and therefore evil doll, looks a lot like you, don’t you think?

Filge: Oh, can I see?

Talin: What?!?

Fern: See, even the other not-Vrock won’t defend you.

Kersh: Oh my Erythnul... I can’t believe this conversation! That’s it, I’m just going to kill you all and get it over with.

Croi: Oh (heh-heh) I disagree with that.

Fern: Yep, that will really prove that you’re a Vrock.

Talin: Ack! Why is there a doll of me!? And Fern, why did you anger the Vrock?

Fern: Not a Vrock.

Filge: Yes! He is.

Kersh: Hey wait a minute. Didn’t you interview me as part of some college course once?

Filge: (looking around nervously at the party) I don’t know what your talking about.

Kersh: Yeah, it was a few years ago. You had some conjurer summon me so you could get information for a demonology essay. What sort of a grade did you get?

Filge: B minus, but the teacher was an Aasimar.

Fern: No wonder you have such bad information about demons, Filge.

Thomas: Is anyone averse to me taking the chains off this book?

Talin: Stop looting the room, right in front of the guardian, Thomas!

Kersh: Well, that’s how the cookie crumbles. So you are a graduated master magician now?

Thomas: More like a dropout necromancer.

Filge: (levels a glare at Thomas, who doesn’t notice/care) I took a few years off.

Croi: Filge, you seem to be getting along pretty well with this demon here....

Fern: Abomination, not demon.

Kersh: Okay, that is it. I give up. Fine I’m an abomination. Can we just get this fight over with?

Thomas: No need.

Kersh: What?

Thomas: I already removed all the loot from the room, categorized and sold it to the highest (most evil) bidder.

Talin/Croi: How... when....

Filge: Right....

Fern: Oh, I get it! And since he has nothing left you protect that means that he can just go away now.

Kersh: Um... No... I can still kill you. I honestly don’t care about the stuff. It was all cursed anyway.

Talin: What?! Who keeps a guardian to watch a room of cursed stuff?

Thomas: Oh no! Cursed loot sells for easily twice as much. If only I’d known....

Kersh: Aw man... my summon is about to wear out.

Fern: Bye-bye. Nice meeting you.

Filge: Thanks again.

Croi: And I wanted to kill the unnatural beast...

Thomas: ....If only I had known....

Talin: (face-palm)